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Marriage Wisdom From An Ailing, Aging Dog

By Larry Barkan

About 12 years ago, my wife was in the hospital because her appendix burst. After the surgery, she developed a hernia and a piece of mesh was implanted in her stomach to help the hernia heal. Then she had to be on a blood thinner named Coumadin. Every day, her blood would be drawn until the doctors were sure she was receiving the correct dosage of the drug. Then cancer was discovered in a section of her colon that had been removed during the appendix surgery. Fortunately, the cancer was contained to the section that was removed and Carol is cancer free.

Carol was in the hospital for a total of 12 frustrating days as one medical condition after another erupted like that burst appendix.

This is how I feel about Annie, our 11 year old Golden Retriever. It’s just one damn thing after another.

If you read previous posts on my blog, you know that she had two seizures that are now controlled with Pheno Barbital. She has not had a seizure in over a week.

In the course of checking Annie for the cause of the seizures, the vet discovered that she has "Valley Fever," a mysterious illness whose cause is unknown but might be related to the soil here in Arizona. Valley Fever could cause seizures. So in addition to the Pheno Barbital, we are now giving Annie a drug for Valley Fever called Fluconazole.

Occasionally, when we suspect she is in pain, we also give her Rimadyl, an anti inflammatory drug similar to Ibuprofen for humans.

Annie walks very slowly, stumbles as though she is going to fall (and, occasionally does) and wanders around the house as though searching for something.

On the bright side, she is very affectionate, wants to be with us more than she has in a while and has a good appetite (for a few weeks, she refused to eat unless we put the food in her hand and, sometimes, not even then).

Oh, and her poops are terrific, meaty, brown and voluminous. For several weeks last month, her poops were tiny if they came at all. Carol and I share this poop information with the same enthusiasm we might use to discuss a celebrity story in People Magazine. How exciting! How thrilling! How mesmerizing! Can you believe it?

Welcome to the wonderful world of the elderly dog. Perhaps you’ve been there. Perhaps you are now.

Carol and I just remind ourselves to love her as she is and as she is not. We laugh because we realize this is also how we’ve stayed married for 37 years. We love each other as we are and as we are not.

Next week, we’re going to be taking care of a friend’s 5-year old Golden Retriever while they are out of town. It will be fun to be with a dog who has the “spark” Annie use to have.

However, another lesson we’ve learned over the course of our marriage is not to compare our marriage to anyone else’s. We’ll try not to compare Sophie, the dog we’ll be taking care of to Annie, although we won’t be able to ignore the differences.

I’m Larry Barkan. I love dogs. I never had a dog as a child because my parents thought they would make the house “dirty” (they were right). Consequently, I had a pretend dog, a German Shepherd, who I talked to mostly in the bathroom. I’m sure a psychiatrist can explain my choice of this room for the conversation. Annie was my third dog and first Golden Retriever. Our first two dogs had been saved from the streets. My wife Carol bought Annie from a family whose Golden just had a litter. She was a puppy when we got her. I had never gone through training a puppy and I was unsure I wanted to. Now that Annie is gone, she is my forever dog as are my first two dogs, Sable and Katy who have long since departed from this earth. Professionally, I teach various leadership and management topics and I am an author. You can learn about me and my books at larrybarkan.com and conflictresolutiontraining.net

PLEASE VISIT THE CONTRIBUTOR'S WEBSITE

Advocate For Dogs
A forum to talk about our love of dogs
www.lovegoldenretrievers.com/uncategoriz...pdate

Good job Larry. I am trying to ponder the marriage lessons I have learned from our dog Marley.

Now that I've met Marley and seen his intelligence, I just know that he'll be able to give you marriage advice. Keep me posted.

As I read your intel, I identified with it. We have had 2 dogs we loved die of cancer. One day they were chasing the ball and were enjoying them, the next day they were dead. I think that you are fortunate that you had time to get used to you pals condition and prepare for the inevitable. Of course, drawing the line between our pets and mates may to some feel like a stretch, but I agree with you .. we can learn from our pets how to treat our mates better while they are living.
Very insightful intel.
Best wishes,
Laraine

Thanks for the comments, Laraine. Unfortunately, we had to put Annie down on May 10th. I was there to whisper how much I love her as she died. That, at least, was some comfort to me. My heart goes out to you for the loss of those dogs to cancer.

Thank you for sharing this story with so many of life's lessons, Larry.
If we will observe, I believe there are lesson around us for the taking.
Best wishes.
Frederick

Thanks, Frederick. You're so right. Lessons are all around us if we just stay aware.

Nice story, Larry. It's amazing what we can learn from our relationships with our pets.

Thanks, James. I'm in awe of animals living with people. An amazing bond.

After living through all my newfs through the years, I can relate. Right now my newfy Feeny has a 4 by 5 inch raw open sore on the top of her left rear instep because in February she suffered some sort of sciatic nerve interruption (??) which completely paralyzed her leg from the hip down. She dragged her paw and developed the sore on the top. She is beter now, mostly walks with her paw in the right position although she hobbles a lot. Doesn't seem to be in pain, but the sore doesn't want to heal. I dump tons of peroxide on it daily, and am using bactine spray or neosporin alternately. She and I both miss our walks together, she can't walk far before she begins to knuckle under again. I love her so much, when her leg goes all "kerwonkies" and she sits funny, I don't care...she is all I have, since I am a widow now for many years. Of course I have my kids...sometimes they accuse me of loving my dogs more than I love them. Not true of course. I love them ... but they can take care of themselves (Thank goodness!) and Feeny takes care of me, as well as I take care of her.

My heart goes out to Feeny. Our 11 year old Annie, as you read, is having problems and it just breaks our heart ("our" is me and my wife Carol). Your statement that the kids can take care of themselves and we have to take care of our animals is so perfect. And, of course, "I don't care" as you see. We just have to love them as they are and as they are not.

Annie is beautiful - it's amazing what our pets can teach us about unconditional love!

Exactly, Shanti. If only I could always be the kind of person I think my dog thinks I am.

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