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Pets and Unconditonal Love
By Larry Barkan
I had to put down my 11 year old Golden Retriever Annie on May 10th and I miss her dearly. What is it that I miss? Partly, I miss the walks we use to take. Near the end of her life, Annie walked very slowly. A 20-minute walk for a healthy dog took us an hour. This leisurely pace gave me the opportunity to sip my coffee and visit with the other dog owners we ran into. Over the last six months, I’ve doubled the number of people I know in my neighborhood simply because I’ve had the time to stop and talk. Partly, I miss hearing her doggie sounds in the night. As she settled herself on her dog bed on the floor beside me, I’d hear her shift positions to get comfortable, sigh and, when asleep, snore softly. As a younger dog, she would jump up on my bed as I was falling asleep, then lie just far enough away so that I couldn’t stroke her without sitting up. Partly, I miss walking into my house after being away and finding her at the door, tail wagging, hoping for food, a walk and a pet (probably in that order). But mostly I miss the unconditional love. I don’t mean Annie’s unconditional love for me. I interpreted her behavior as unconditional love, but that was my interpretation. Annie never said, “I love you.” Rather, I experienced unconditional love with Annie, not because she gave it to me, but because I gave it to her. When I was with her, I felt unconditional love and I miss that. Our pets (and our children) give us the opportunity to be unconditionally loving whether they love us back or not. There aren’t many opportunities to be that way in life and I miss not being able to give that to Annie so that I could feel it for myself. “I love you and you have no say in the matter,” a character in the movie “Adaptation” says to a woman who doesn’t love him. This was exactly what I would say about Annie. In fact, she had no “say” in the matter. Animals never do. It doesn’t matter if Annie actually loved me. In her presence, I was unconditionally loving and I miss that experience most of all.
I’m Larry Barkan. I love dogs. I never had a dog as a child because my parents thought they would make the house “dirty” (they were right). Consequently, I had a pretend dog, a German Shepherd, who I talked to mostly in the bathroom. I’m sure a psychiatrist can explain my choice of this room for the conversation. Annie was my third dog and first Golden Retriever. Our first two dogs had been saved from the streets. My wife Carol bought Annie from a family whose Golden just had a litter. She was a puppy when we got her. I had never gone through training a puppy and I was unsure I wanted to. Now that Annie is gone, she is my forever dog as are my first two dogs, Sable and Katy who have long since departed from this earth. Professionally, I teach various leadership and management topics and I am an author. You can learn about me and my books at larrybarkan.com and conflictresolutiontraining.net
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Dogs bring out the very best and the very worst in men. My two keep me on my toes although Scamp is now 12 and showing distinct signs of slowing down. Do my dogs love me? In as much as I am the alpha male in the pack, I am sure that Scamp feels 'love' for me - but she is the alpha bitch. Chap, whom I have only been owned by for a couple of years, is older but very demonstrative of his requirements. You cannot not tickle the tummy of a little dog that is squirming and wriggling on his back with all four legs in the air and a tail that is thrashing from side to side. To be owned by a dog is something that has to be experienced to be appreciated. What a pity some dogs own such despicable people.
CONTRIBUTOR'S REPLY
What's amazing is how dogs stick to even despicable people. Maybe they're telling us there's hope for us all. I loved your description of your dog with its paws up in the air. I remember my dog doing that. I loved to scratch its belly. Thanks for sharing.
Larry, still hurtin' huh!
We just had another death in our family. Our daughter's golden retriever. He had her love and our love for 14 years. I am so thankful that we have our other two dogs to distract us.
Grieving again/still,
Laraine
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